The Porch Light copyright by Revka (2006-2010). All rights reserved.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

A Day to Remember

All is quiet. The children are sleeping but not snoring. The night darkness is friendly and comforting as it envelopes us. No terrors here – all truly is calm. The miles string along smoothly, so easily fading into the past that I lose track of how far we've come.

It has been a good day, one that makes me wish days could be folded neatly to rest beside kids' artwork, meaningful cards, and romantic notes in my personal treasure box. This would be a day I'd take out often just to finger its silky softness and smile at its watercolor beauty. A rare day unmarred by any discordant shriek or shrill, my memory will always recall the rich blending of love, laughter, and warmth that filled these hours.

I mentally put together and quickly discard numerous phrases, seeking words suitable to clothe the myriad impressions that so sweetly leave their mark in my subconscious. Words can be woefully inadequate, and it's a challenge to try to fit them together so that their jagged edges meet perfectly to form a smooth whole. The sentences I create to give shape to this day cannot be anything short of fluid if they are to even come close to sharing what I have felt.

As I wrestle with my mental puzzle, the last few miles slip silently by. The welcome sight of surroundings made familiar by daily travel pulls me from my reverie. I smile as I make the final turn into our drive, knowing that inside our brightly lit house waits the one whom I adore, the one whose love so richly colors my life with brilliant hues of warmth, understanding, acceptance, joy, sharing, giving, and forgiving.

Coming home to him is the perfect ending to a perfect day.


Journey Out of Darkness


I built a fortress, tall and strong -
Built it deep and built it long.
Built it so that I'd be free
From threats against my deepest me.

Bit by bit the walls grew high
Until they nearly reached the sky,
Sheltering, protecting, shutting out
Tears within and fears without.

I built a fortress but found on waking
I was locked within
a prison of my own making.

~ Revka Stearns

Not so long ago, my world once again grew dark. But this time, I had a friend who was able to see that I needed help and was able to help me understand that what I was experiencing was not normal, that I didn't have to fight it alone, and that I could get help.

Cutting out quite a bit, I'll just say that I did get help, and I'm very thankful I did. I'm no longer in that dark place, and I'm hopeful that I have seen the last of it for a very long time, if not forever.

I wrote the poem above in one of my dark times during the past months. I've shared before about the walls I've built and about my desire to tear down those walls. I'd shared some of the progress that I'd made in dismantling those barriers.

Today, I'm rejoicing in the fact that I've been able to identify and discard a lot of the reasons I had for erecting my fortress. I'm making great headway in finding the courage to be true to myself rather than trying to meet everyone else's expectations for me. And life is good.