The Porch Light copyright by Revka (2006-2010). All rights reserved.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Thank You for the Valley

I can't remember where I read this, but some study found that when people who were unhappy with their {life, marriage, whatever} were surveyed again 5 years later, the overwhelming majority of them were no longer unhappy with that situation.

I can say from personal experience that you never know when the situation that is weighing on you will be transformed from a burden into a blessing.

To be quite honest, while the past 4 or so years have been pretty tough for me, the past 2 years have been especially difficult. Within the past 3 months, however, the situation that I found so difficult has turned around and is now one of the biggest blessings in my life.

Despite my hesitation to do so, I'm going to share a poem I wrote at one of my lowest points. When I read the words I penned and contrast them with my life today, I can only say, "Thank God He never let go of me!"

"Despair"

Silence
But not peaceful
Resentful
Angry

Unspoken thoughts
Words not yelled
Or uttered at all

Loneliness
Nowhere to turn
No one who cares

Pressure
Building and mounting
About to explode

Questioning
My own existence
To continue or not

Isolation
Cut off from help
No hope in sight

Drowning...
Fading away
Into welcome oblivion

~by Revka

If you are wondering about the last few stanzas, yes, I have thought about committing suicide - during more than one stage of my life. I obviously haven't done more than think about it, and I don't think I ever could. But there have been times when I seriously thought my family would be better off without me, that perhaps Mr. Incredible married the wrong person and would be able to marry the right one if I removed myself, that my children deserve a better mother.

Call me crazy or whatever you want, but I'm being honest and sharing one of my darkest secrets in hopes that maybe someone who is going through a similar struggle will find encouragement and strength to hold on when all they want to do is let go. No one has shared with me that they have ever struggled with something like this, and yet ... I can't help believing that if I struggle, someone else does, too.

If that's you, hold on. Don't give up. Pour your heart out to God. When life seems darkest, He's there to light your way if you are His child. Oft times, the darkest time is just before the light breaks through. But even if light never comes, the darkest night traveled with God is brighter than the most brilliant day traveled alone.

Thank You for the Valley - by Dottie Rambo

Thank You for the valley I walked through today.
The darker the valley, the more I learn to pray.
I found You WHERE THE LILIES ARE BLOOMING BY THE [I like the following lyrics here instead] when the preacher was preaching the Gospel way.
And I thank You for the valley I walked through today.

CHORUS
Thank You for every hill I've climbed
For every time the sun didn't shine.
Thank You for every lonely night
I prayed til I knew everything was alright.
And I thank You for the valley I walked through today.

Life can't be all sunshine, or the flowers would die.
The rivers would be deserts all barren and dry.
Life can't be all blessing, for there'd be no need to pray.
So I thank You for the valley I walked through today.

5 comments:

Karen_thrifty said...

Thanks for being so up front with us. I'm sorry you've gone through such a dark time, especially since I am your friend and love you so much. It hurts that my loved ones are hurting. You have been such a good friend to me. I hope that you know you can tell me anything and we can talk it through.

We've all been hurting at some point or another. Thank the Lord He pulls us through it and to the other side.

I'm sure what you've said here will help someone. I know that you are not the only one that has had these thoughts. As you know, the devil wants to destroy us and through our thoughts is the best way.

You are a child of God and a blessing to others. Your children and your husband are blessed to have you!

Justice Jonesie said...

Your post will certainly help someone also going a low point. Continue to walk by faith and not by sight! I haven't stopped in to "visit" in a while now and I'm sorry to hear things are tough! Keep going strong, for your kids and husband.

Amanda said...

I know exactly what you are talking about. I have been there many times.

dana said...

So very brave of you, of all people I know, for coming forth concerning your thoughts of suicide. We all think of it at one time or another, but I was literally on my way out the door, carrying my .357 one day, so that I wouldn't mess up the house.

I had TWO people knocking on my door to visit me. I really resented the interruption and sent them on their way. But it interfered with my plan to such an extent that I never made it out the door.

Anonymous said...

This was my experience at 15 when my world turned upside down. I attempted but failed because I was fearful my mom would be livid if the hospital could save my life. I tore out the confession from my journal, slept for a couple of hours, and began serving others happiness to avoid divulging my opinions. I am daily thankful for the Lord bringing into my life ( when I was not searching) 5 years later my husband whose non-judgmental, supportive PERSONALITY has brought much needed peace in my life and emotional healing.