Kill 'Em with Kindness (Part 2)

(If you missed it, you need to read Kill 'Em with Kindness Part 1 before you read today's post.)

Yesterday, I left off at the time when I found out that the family was moving, and the mom still had my favorite solo songbook.

I once again asked for my book. This time, she said that she had already returned it to me. I knew very well I had never received the book and tried to convince her of that fact. She searched all her music at home and failed to find my book before she moved. *sigh*

After a few months, Mr. Incredible decided I needed to replace the book. When we finally made the trip to Raleigh, we stopped at Burrage Music (my very favorite music store ever!), and within minutes (and at the expense of $19.99 plus tax), I was once again the happy possessor of Low Voice Classics.

But this saga doesn't end there. Oh, no, sir! This past fall, a couple of months after I re-purchased the songbook, the family moved back to our area. Every time I saw any member of the family, which was often since we attend the same church, I was reminded of the $40 they had cost me - $20 for cards and $20 for the book... my favorite book! (Nah, I don't hold grudges.)

Three weeks ago, I was walking up the aisle to play for Sunday morning service when the mom waved me down. Her face was absolutely lit up with happiness and excitement.

"Mrs. Stearns! You'll never guess what I found!" and she waved my missing book.

This is the part where I become like Judas Iscariot, the part that inspired my title. Here's what she heard me say.

"Oh, I already got another one. Don't worry about it."

With those words, her face lost all happiness and excitement. But I wasn't done.

"You keep it. I don't need two."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yes, I already bought another one."

"How much was it? Let me pay you for it."

"It's whatever the price says on the book - $20 or $25. But don't worry about it."

"Are you sure? I feel so bad now!"

"It's fine. Don't worry about it. You just got yourself a free book." and I gave her a hug.

Ah, how sweet and kind of me, right? WRONG!!! Here's what I was actually thinking - inserted into the previous conversation, bracketed and bold.

"Mrs. Stearns! You'll never guess what I found!" and she waved my missing book.

"Oh, I already got another one. Don't worry about it. [Of course you found it! I told you you had it! Now you can have it; I don't want it.]"

With those words, her face lost all happiness and excitement. But I wasn't done.

"You keep it. I don't need two. [Here, let me force-feed it to you - taste good?]"

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yes, I already bought another one. [Did you hear that? Because of you, I wasted money buying another book, and if you had just listened to me when I told you you still had my book, I wouldn't have had to do that!]"

"How much was it? Let me pay you for it."

"It's whatever the price says on the book - $20 or $25. But don't worry about it. [Did you hear that? $20-$25! That I didn't need to spend! BECAUSE OF YOU!!!]"

"Are you sure? I feel so bad now!"

"It's fine. Don't worry about it. You just got yourself a free book. [I hope it bugs you every time you see it. I hope it gags you and makes you choke. I hope it makes you feel TERRIBLE.]" and I gave her a hug.

That's some difference, isn't it? The first conversation makes me seem giving, kind, and forgiving. The second one - the one with my heart revealed - shows that I was none of those things but was something very different instead: hateful, unforgiving, ugly, and vindictive.

Is kindness really kindness when it springs from anything but pure motives? No, I don't believe it is. Oh, it may be cloaked in a disguise of kindness, but it can actually be malice. Kill 'em with kindness? You betcha! Especially the killing part.

Somehow, I don't think that's what Jesus had in mind when He told us to turn the other cheek and to heap coals of fire on our enemy's head.

So once again I have failed. This time, I chose to make that failure public. I made that choice for one reason: to demonstrate that I'm just a sinner saved by grace. I can be as much of a hypocrite as any other person in the world. I can be just as malicious, just as devious, just as vengeful, just as sinful.

It is only by God's help and by a deliberate choosing to die to self that I (or anyone else) can truly exhibit God's kindness and love toward those who have hurt me. And only then can we "kill 'em with kindness" - true kindness that flows from the heart without malice or hypocrisy.

illustration courtesy of fotosearch.com