The Porch Light copyright by Revka (2006-2010). All rights reserved.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Generation NeXt Marriage - Addressing the Challenges Faced in Gen X Marriages

Thanks to LitFuse Publicity for providing a free review copy of this book. No other compensation was received for this review. The opinions contained herein are my own. I was not required to write a positive review.

I don't know if, in this blog, I have often referred to my love of reading, but I can assure you it is a deep, abiding love. *smile* I started reading at a very early age and have always loved escaping into another world through the pages of a book. Because I do love reading so much, I was very excited to be asked to review both fiction and non-fiction books by Christian authors. Today, I am taking part in a blog tour reviewing one of those books: Generation NeXt Marriage by Tricia Goyer.

Before I begin, you should know three things:

  1. You can visit the blog tour schedule to find links to all of the other bloggers reviewing this book.
  2. You could win your own copy of both Generation NeXt Marriage and its companion book, Generation NeXt Parenting. Details may be found at the end of my review.
  3. You can "win a dinner for two to the restaurant of your choice ($50 max)" - just for sharing the story of how you and your spouse met. The link to the entry form is at the end of this post. You can believe that I'll be sending in the story of how I became Mrs. Incredible. *smile* (I know I won't win because the results are based on votes and the results will be tallied at the end of the blog tour, which happens to be today, but I'd like to share my story anyway.)
on with the review...

Generation NeXt Marriage explores and offers ways to overcome the challenges faced in Gen X marriages. Since the author is herself a GenXer, she knows about those challenges first-hand and writes from her own observations and experiences. Because I grew up in a very strict Christian home, I cannot relate to the songs Mrs. Goyer references or some of the other things she talks about, but she dealt with plenty of other things to which I could relate. The parts that spoke to me the most were the ones dealing with developing an intimate (as in knowing a person inside and out) relationship with my husband.

I've told you about the walls I have erected and my desire to bring them down. I don't know that I have made much progress in that area of my marriage. Honestly, I'm still learning how to be vulnerable in my relationship with Mr. Incredible, and Tricia's chapter on Conflict Resolution really hit me hard. Here are a couple of the passages that really spoke to me.

"'Withdrawal may not look like one of the most damaging relationship germs, but it is... When someone withdraws from conflict, he or she only delays the inevitable. It doesn't help to leave the battlefield and go out for a long jog; in fact, this usually makes things worse. When we avoid conflict, we merely brush the hurt under the rug of our soul. Eventually the mound of hurt gets so big that it starts spilling out the sides, and what seeps out often look a lot like anger, bitterness, depression, drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, and worse.' [Dr. Greg Smalley, The Marriage You've Always Dreamed Of]
...It has taken me time to realize that lack of conflict in marriage [emphasis mine] should not be the goal. No one wants an emotionless marriage, but rather one in which the conflict is as carefully tended to as the romance, the care, and the consideration."

"When it comes to conflict, here are two important things to remember:
  1. Closeness fosters conflict. When you open your heart to your spouse, you can no longer hide your struggles...
  2. Through conflict, we grow closer to our spouse and to God. When I have conflict in my marriage, God's Spirit prods me to repent..., and though it hurts, I admit my mistakes and my brokenness to John.... I give him a glimpse inside me. Sure, it is a glimpse of my sinful human nature, but it is an honest glimpse all the same. And as John looks into my brokenness, an amazing thing happens. Conflict becomes the doorway to intimacy."

There are many more passages I would love to quote for you, but the next best thing I can do is to offer you a chance to win this book and its companion book, Generation NeXt Parenting. To enter, simply leave me a comment on this post no later than 9:00 a.m. (EST) on Tuesday, April 15, 2008, and mention that you would like to win these books. I'll use random.org to pick the winner and will announce the winner and a couple of runners-up by 9:00 a.m. on Wednesday.

If you wish to submit your love story for a chance to win that dinner for two, here's the link to the contest entry form, which you will find toward the bottom of that page.

2 comments:

Mary said...

Wow, we are on the same page with this review! I so enjoyed and learned from this book...it's one that is going to be hard to loan out right away, as I'm still wanting to re-read it and highlight things this time around! Plus, there are parts I want to share with my hubby, that he hasn't had time to hear. Like that passage on writing down all the key points of your life...good and bad...and plugging that info into where God has you now, and what ministry areas He's prepared you for your whole life. Wow.

A really awesome book!

Steph said...

Hmm I may need to check this out you can never be too informed when it comes to married life, thanks for hte tip.