The Porch Light copyright by Revka (2006-2010). All rights reserved.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

My Crossroads

I mentioned that I have been thinking hard lately. I actually even posted about one of the biggest areas with which I struggle: housework. However, that it not really the root of the matter. I was reading a book a friend loaned me and came across this passage where two sisters are discussing marriage:

"You've come to a turning point. A decision-making time. Many marriages flounder when the marriage reaches that point. But it's a decision, Virginia. A choice you get to make. What are you going to do with a real marriage? Not a fairy tale. A real marriage. Are you going to throw your heart and soul into it and, with God's help, build a happy and stable home with the man you love? Or are you going to retreat, still wanting to be the little princess on an imaginary throne? [emphasis mine] You can't have it both ways."

"But I love romance."

"Romance? That's when true romance begins. That's when you learn to appreciate romance for what it really is. That's the real beginning - not the end. You get so busy looking for ways to show love that your whole day becomes one exciting opportunity."
- from A Quiet Strength by Janette Oke

That conversation aptly describes my true dilemma: am I going to put myself first or am I going to live for others? Am I going to throw my whole heart and soul into creating a happy home for my husband and my children? You would think that after 8 years of marriage (next week), I would have conquered this problem, but I am finding that the struggle has been intense lately. Perhaps because of my recent salvation?

Whatever the cause, I am becoming ever more aware of how self-centered I really am and how often I procrastinate when I need to do something that I don't enjoy. Frankly, I am quite disgusted with myself because I know that I need an attitude adjustment when it comes to serving my family. I say that I love my family, but I sure don't act like it! I know what I should do, and I know what I want to do, but I simply don't follow through on those good intentions. My family deserves so much better than that.


Meredith said...

I would even go so far to say that those moments come daily--not once in a marriage.

We all feel that way from time to time, but I do think our families are the better for it.

It's a lot easier to serve when it is a choice, not a sentence.

Linda said...

You are a wonderful loving woman whose heart is full with love for your family. Your family is getting the best they can, you. We have tasks that we need to deal with everyday, be it tasks or commitments or anything family related. The last few months you have grown as a person in many ways, through your salvation, as a mother, as a wife and as a creative business woman. You are trying to provide for your family and I am sure you are doing a great job.

House work is... soooo boring! But nevertheless it needs to be done.

I am sure you are thinking a lot these days, but maybe you need to be more organized, and I have told you about this before, there are ways to lighten our burdens. We just need to find them.

There are so many things I´d like to say, but I´ll stop here.
Anything you need, you know where to find me.

Love and hugs to you my dear friend!

Revka said...

Meredith, thank you so much for your encouraging comments.

Yes, I am stuck at the point where I actually commit to lovingly serving my family.

Revka said...

Linda, thanks for your sweet encouragement as well. :>) I think that you are right about the organization part, and I will be definitely working up a schedule soon. You know I love you!