The Porch Light copyright by Revka (2006-2010). All rights reserved.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Diet trial

One night while in that state between deep sleep and wakefulness, I dreamed a curious dream.

I was attending a trial such as I had never heard or seen before. It was a diet trial, and multitudes of diets filled the defendant's bench.There were diets of every shape and size: fad diets, old diets, natural diets - every kind of diet imaginable was present. In fact, as the defendants kept arriving, more benches had to be added in order that they might all have a place to sit.

Once all defendants were present, the judge opened the case and stated that the trial was convened to determine the continued existence of diets. He first gave the floor to the prosecutor.

The prosecutor charged that all of the diets on trial had made false promises: happiness, enhanced self-esteem, and beauty were some of the common rewards anticipated by the victims who had invested in the various diet programs. It was proved that not one of the diets was able to fulfill the unrealistic expectations they had insinuated into the consciousness of their users.

After the prosecutor made his case, the defense proceeded to state the diets' side. He affirmed that those who bought into the diet programs often harbored unrealistic expectations of the rewards bestowed upon those who successfully completed the program. He also acknowledged that many, who had successfully lost a large amount of weight in a short period of time, had not succeeded in keeping off the excess poundage they had shed. Yet he argued for the continued existence of the diets, stating that successful dieters did end up with better health and fewer risks for diseases. The defender also insisted that the diets should not be punished for the unrealistic expectations harbored by their users because the diets never implicitly guaranteed such results.

"In fact," he stated, "it is the diet marketers who inspire such deluded dreams with their slicks campaigns. Do not punish the diets for crimes which they did not commit!"

After examining and cross-examining the witnesses, both sides rested their cases. The jury proceeded to deliberate, and the court was cloaked in uneasy silence. Finally, the jury announced that it had reached a verdict.

"We, the gentlemen and ladies of the jury, find the defendants NOT GUILTY!" declared the foreman of the jury.

Pandemonium ensued: the diets and their supporters cheered wildly while the dieters' faces fell in disappointment. I asked the foreman of the jury why they had found the diets not guilty, but just as he was explaining their decision...

hunger pains woke me up.

"Well," thought I, "I'm not guaranteed to be any happier, any more beautiful, or any wealthier just because I lose some weight. I'm not starving myself anymore. I hear some chocolate-covered mints calling my name, and I'm going to answer!"

7 comments:

DJ Master AG said...

As an English Major I think that I'm qualified to say... that was an excellent piece of writing! Bravo. I would have given that an A+ if you were a student in my class. Honestly Revka... although you play the piano exceptionally well, your writing skills are superb.

Revka said...

Why, thank you very much, Alan! (I had to visit your profile and your new blog to figure out who you were. *laughing*) I've always loved English. In fact, after my first semester as a piano major, I seriously considered becoming an English major instead so your comment absolutely thrilled me. :)

The New Parent said...

Hi R--so did you really have that dream (smile)? Inquiring minds want to know.

Linda said...

Very Nice revka! Excellent! I always enjoy reading your posts!
I stiopped by to see how you are doing and to wish you a happy easter! I'm at home with hubby and son today and no work tomorrow! Lovely to spend time with the family!
Have a nice weekend!

Revka said...

Hey, Frank,
No, this is a complete work of fiction. *laughing* I did think that someone might ask that so I did label it as fiction. I was just tired of writing about diets and it hit me that "diet trial" (the assigned phrase) could be understood in more than one way. I did have fun writing this.

Hi, Linda!
Thank you very much. I appreciate your kind compliments; you make me smile. I hope you have a great Easter, too. Hurrah for no work - I know you're thrilled about that. *smiling* Are you feeling better now? I'll talk to you later; enjoy your time with your family.

LoveMyStarr said...

Great story! Very good writing!All of it so true!!

Revka said...

Thanks, S. I really appreciate that. :)